is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
