Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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