and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
