Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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