I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
