its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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