i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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