upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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