Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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