yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
