So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
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Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
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That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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