he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
