i wish starbucks made bloody marys
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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