Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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