i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
