either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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