He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
