don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
