im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
