Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
