Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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