How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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