i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
