Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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