we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
