Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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