I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
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I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just want to make out with him forever
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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