got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
