Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
