Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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