you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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