he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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