Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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