So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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