I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
