Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
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Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
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most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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