My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
