you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
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No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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