my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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