I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
