U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
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