dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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