I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
