i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
