i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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