I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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