So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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