yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
