I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
