Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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