yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
