I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
