The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
