I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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