Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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