All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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