btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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