Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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