What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
