During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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