Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
