Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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