found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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