what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
