Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
