True but thats because hes a fetus.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
