It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
