i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND