she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.