so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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