Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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