so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
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Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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