Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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