Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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