that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
