The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
