I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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