i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
