Moan for me like Helen Keller
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
