I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
