I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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