your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
