I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
