i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
